its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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