I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
