spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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