i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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