so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
