I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
