I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
