yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
