I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
