For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
