I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
