Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
