You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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