we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you win again, gameday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
