I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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