in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
