batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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