pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
