i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dick very happy bro
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
