A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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