I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
