apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize