peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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