no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
