i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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