worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
