Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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