We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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