What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
