I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
