So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
