remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Be still, my beating vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
