if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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