just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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