Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
