i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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