I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
