Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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