Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
