I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
