ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
