I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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