Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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