from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
