I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
