I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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