you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
