Already got asked if we're dating
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
