I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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