and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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