Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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