Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
