dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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