are you still at the devil's house?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
