apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
