I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
