I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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