So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
