I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
