there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
