She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
