Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
