Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
